I woke up to another day of promises I know will be broken
Before too long the words I swore
I'd never say again are spoken

I know it's wrong you're my addiction you keep me strong
Tell me how long will this addiction be my addiction

Tangled in this web of mine tryin' to make some sence of
What I'm feelin'
You're still runnin' through my veins and
I can't get enough
But I'm dealin'

I know it's wrong you're my addiction you keep me strong
Tell me how long will this addiction be my addiction

Your some kind of drug when in without it there's no life
In any part of me
People tell me that I can be cured
but I don't know if I want to be

I know it's wrong you're my addiction you keep me strong
Tell me how long will this addiction be my addiction

不知道是第多少次从梦中醒来，满脑子的都是她的样子。
但这是第一次梦到把她轻轻拥入怀里。那一刻心跳的感觉，是激动，是坚定，是温暖，无法描述，但是如此真实，深深的印在我脑海里。
如果上帝真的为我们安排了那一刻，这一切一切的挫折和等待，都值得了。
2008年9月27日 星期六 08:35 SMS
数不清有多少次醒来，梦中你的表情举动都历历在目.而此刻在醒的世界，只是想像着阳光照在你的笑容上，就会让我觉得幸福.梦和醒的距离，其实只有那一秒.但多希望能够跨越那界线，拉近现实中我们的距离.不管是梦中是醒来，都没法停止想你.

Life is like coffee,
it grow from the mountain,
it harvest from the bush,
it roast by speacial care.
but what matters the most, is how you brew it.

A rich life is brewed by a Irish way,
with fancy looking, but the taste is not that much different. it just make people who do not have a chance to try it, belive that it is better.

A Xiao Zi life is brewed by a steam coffee machine
Espresso & Cappuccino
Even if you have put cream on it, makes it look so artful,
it is bitter than the others.
'Cause like how it has been made,
your life is out thought high pressure,
you want the same amount of happiness, the same output of your work, are all contained in that tiny cup,
and you want to drink it fast, so that you can move on to another cup.

A simple life is brew in American way,
it has almost everything, and you can brew as much as you want,
but there is always something missing, something you can not tell.
that is your fantacy, I tell you my friend.
And you when you get it,
you will find that it is not necessary, not at all.
But you just can't go back.

A artist's life, it is like the Italian
You enjoy the procedue, but may not be the output.
So you will always enjoy a trip to Italy,
But live in there? That depends on wether you are a real artist, or not.


Life is like coffee,
the bitterness is always hiden inside, but with suger and cream, and syrupe if you are lucky, it makes everyone enjoy it.

刚发现我昨晚丢了自己的相机。真的可惜因为那是台很sweet的超广角相机，刚配了2g快速的卡，都一起丢勒。
而且再也买不到那样的广角便携相机了。再聚会，也不会有相片了。
总是这样，每次想得到什么，就会失去一些其他的东西，而且也未必得到原本想得到的。倒霉

为什么要有痛？
如果说不公平，是因为有的人经历了太多得痛，是因为上帝造我得时候，做的太差么？所以才要经历这么多痛楚，才能获得足够的改变？
改变自己究竟是件好事还是坏事？
疼痛是神经信号，通知人的精神系统中枢，脊椎和大脑，身体的某一部分正在被伤害。这是一个危险的信号么？那为何改变自己要这么多的痛呢？
难道改变自己是件不好的事情？
其实我已经想的太累了。三年了，从未想明白。有时会觉得有进展和收获，又被无情的推翻了。
总之三年了，going nowhere。确经历了太多的痛。
不想再反复问自己了，更不该去问你。只想吧今晚的认知写下来，告诫自己：
1，上帝不是公平的，有些世人倒很公平，知道体谅和牺牲自己。你确定这些也是信徒该具备的么？哼～
2，上帝和你关系好了，会让你经历很多痛。别期待了，他没有奖励和回报。
3，如果我不爱上帝，也许我会伪装得很好，我可以做。有些不爱上帝的人已经做的很好了，他们也许会先我得到吧？
      如果我爱上帝，我要做那个信徒，不再是我自己了，不是伪装，但似乎结果和表象都和伪装有些一致。但是我还是选择了后者。虽然是个很痛的决定。虽然同样得不到。
4，I am so sick of expecting, waiting is what I am going to do, not for a answer,but for a end.
5,  如果说神是爱，那么不是我原来等待的那种爱。如果我永远得不到那种我期待的爱，那么和你在一起，跟和别人在一起有什么分别？
6，别说我成熟了，呵呵，我只是更老了，相信当我每接近the end一步的时候，都会看起来更成熟了。
7，如果我真的决定选择这个目标不再改变了，我会去做那个成熟的信徒。那么我伤害过得人阿，我不是无意的，我是无奈的，神也是痛。

时间不能凝固。只好祈祷快结束这等待，让zhe end到来吧。
怜悯别人得人也应得到别人的怜悯，体谅别人的人也应得到别人的体谅，哦，抱歉，如果上帝是公平的。
看这篇日记的人，千万别想为什么我会这样写。你们还是停留在唾弃我花心的阶段吧。那样我更舒服些，没这么痛。